The Fart That Wasn’t

We all know how the Chūnin Exam preliminaries went. Naruto farted in Kiba’s face, etc. This is what happens when that fart turns out to be something more.

I don’t usually enjoy stories with gods (because they tend to make Naruto Uber!), but I’m hoping I can write a good one (if I do pick up this project). So, a bit (or more like a lot) of background.

The Rikudō Sennin had a brother, and both were demigods, sons of a deity and a human mother (which happens a heck of a lot in, admittedly, Greek mythology). This gave both of them the Rinnegan. Now, the Jūbi was a demon that consumed this brother, allowing him to gain the powers of the Rinnegan, combining it with the Sharingan it originally had.

I subscribe to such a theory because of the eye of the Jūbi. It’s basically a combination of the Rinnegan and the Sharingan. Now, if the Rikudō Sennin had the Rinnegan before he sealed the Jūbi, that means that they have to be related somehow. So this is my theory.

Anyway! So the story moves along, and because he’s now a jinchūriki, his elder son inherits an eye that will one day develop into the Sharingan, which came from the Jūbi. The Sharingan has the Yin capabilities of the Rikudō Sennin because of lineage, and the rest of its powers from the Jūbi’s original pre-Sharingan eye.

So, at this point, gods exist, and they like to procreate with humans. This also means that some enjoy interactions with humans. Not sure what the rest of the theory has to do with the story, but I like making theories 😛

Fūinjutsu is the language of the gods, taught to the Rikudō by his father. This, after many years, was distilled into a combat art. As we know, the Uzumaki are distant relatives of the Senju. So, they may be a section of the Senju that broke off long ago, because they felt the spiritual urge to understand the gods more than their combat-oriented Senju cousins do, thanks to their better understanding of heavenly scripts.

As the first Uzumaki clan head was a master of Fūton, the Uzumaki came to associate with and pray to Fūjin, the god of wind. Of course, this started out as a minor tradition for the clan head, which warped over time to become a pseudo-religion. The later Uzumaki believed that Fūjin was the procreator of their clan, having bedded a Senju and birthed a son who would go on to create the clan.

(Don’t think that such a warping of events in people’s minds is possible? Just look at Greek mythology, especially Homer’s epics and how they portray gods’ interactions with humans, and you’ll find the evidence.)

Gods are empowered by prayer and belief, and Fūjin is no exception. Hence, he decides to associate himself with the Uzumaki, granting the main succession line a greater affinity for Fūton if they were born with such an affinity, and longevity for the entire clan (Fūjin is associated with Greek god Boreas, who in turn is associated with longevity).

However, as the Uzumaki clan was destroyed and the scant few left were scattered, Fūjin no longer had followers. He loses his influence and power. He couldn’t find a main line Uzumaki with a wind affinity that he could reach out to, granting them superhuman control over the wind and convince them to revive the worship.

He followed Naruto’s birth with interest, but because of the seal, the Shinigami had marked Naruto as ‘his’. It wasn’t until the Gogyō Fūin sealed off Kyūbi that Fūjin could enter the equation. Thus, he changed Naruto’s fart to a blast of wind (the start of this story), and subsequently contacts Naruto about reviving the clan and worshipping him.

Of course, what are stories without villains right? Jashin is integral to Hidan’s religion, and can be broadly translated as ‘evil god’. Obviously, even in the pantheon of gods, there are shades of grey. Naruto can become an avatar of Fūjin, fighting the avatars of other gods like Hidan, so as to establish superiority as a god. This is basically a proxy war for the gods, which makes a heck of a lot of sense given that gods will probably wreck the world if they really fought.

Now, given Naruto’s personality, he’s probably not going to enjoy being ordered about to fight some guy who worships another god, just because. He isn’t interested in petty squabbling amongst the gods. Also, Konoha isn’t going to like that their war asset is doing weird things, and being manipulated by some ‘godly being’ they have no evidence exists. I can’t imagine Danzō/Homura/Koharu being religious people at all.

So expect interrogations, threats to extract the bijū, the Sandaime fighting for Naruto’s survival, and possibly even Naruto running away (which, in my opinion, makes a far better ‘leaving Konoha’ premise than the usual exile-thanks-to-mission-failure routine).

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