My Bubble



So it’s been nearly 9 months since I’ve graduated, and boy has the time flown by. My training is nearly ending, and within a month, I’ll be working full time not as a trainee, but as a professional.

I didn’t think this moment would come so quickly, but it has and I’m not sure I’m entirely ready for it. Work starts immediately after training ends, and there’s no time to breathe and internalise the fact that I’m truly an adult now, with no more excuses about being in education or training.

On one hand, I really just want to curl up in bed and be a NEET. There’s just something so appealing about being absolutely free of responsibility. But on the other hand, I’ve studied for years and years for this moment. Granted, it wasn’t exactly what I envisioned as a child, but the past half-decade of learning has been dedicated to this career, and it’s a career that I do enjoy. It’s not exactly my greatest dreams come true, but it’s certainly a culmination of all that I’ve done so far in life, and something I look forward to.

It’s more than a little intimidating though. Patient lives are literally at stake, and I have to accept full responsibility for any mistakes I make. It feels like the calm before the storm right now, and I hope I can cope.

I do feel lucky though, that my life has been pretty smooth-sailing thus far. I’ve had supportive parents who have given me everything I could possibly need. I’ve had pretty much some of the best education one can get, gotten into the schools I wanted to enter, got into a university course that was my second (and on hindsight, the best) choice, and got myself a stable job (pending a 6 month probation period) at my training institution, just as I was about to scramble to send out my resume and find a job elsewhere. I certainly haven’t had as many downs as ups, and I can only be grateful for it.

So here’s to keeping patients safe and well, to filing taxes, to managing bills, and to successful adulting.


So I’ve just officially graduated from university, and it honestly doesn’t feel very special. I suppose it’s because almost immediately after the final exams, my clique went overseas for our grad trip, and then I spent my holidays gaming before work started. And once work started, graduation just didn’t seem to matter as much anymore. There wasn’t any immediacy, and so I could not feel the joy I thought I might feel.

I wonder if this apathy over graduation is also due to how I feel about my choice of course. I’ve wondered umpteen times whether I’m suited to this line of work, and I still do. I wonder if I’m prepared enough, if I love this work enough to keep going for decades, if I should pursue another less demanding career to devote time to chasing other passions. It’s strange to think how convinced I was that I would enjoy helping people, that I would enjoy being in the healthcare industry. I still do want to help, but selfish feelings have led me to gaze longingly at pastures different.

I don’t regret the choices I made, because even if I don’t love the job, I can be satisfied knowing that if I do it well, I’ll be directly helping people and contributing to society. And it’s a heck of a lot more stable as a job compared to being a mediocre writer who can’t even finish a fanfiction, let alone a proper novel.

It’s easy to tell someone to chase their dreams. But sometimes, dreams must remain dreams. Now that I’ve graduated, I guess it’s time to put aside the life of a child, and move on to become an adult.

This transition is going to be tough.


It seems a little dumb for me to build a gaming PC but not actually play games. Of course, I want to, but I often spend my time re-reading fanfiction instead of playing games, or catching up on movies or TV shows.

(Yea, I’m a weirdo.)

Anyway, I recently bought a whole bunch of games during Steam’s Summer Sale, and I decided randomly to just give Portal a go. And man oh man, am I glad I bought the game and played it.


The Meaning of Life

So it’s been a heck of a long time since I blogged about daily life. But here I am, near the end of my 3rd year as a university student, wondering what on earth am I doing with my life.

Someone once told me that for my course, students tend to find themselves disillusioned in Year 3 Sem 1, the busiest semester of our course. Now that it’s Sem 2 that’s the busiest for my batch, I think I’m struck with that same syndrome.

It’s been just a long slog of content-heavy lectures, 8am classes and tests galore. And I also took an elective on my one free day. If it were any good, I wouldn’t really mind. Instead, it’s been basically a useless time-suck that I’ve learnt barely anything from, and it’s just made my semester feel even lousier.

Of course, I’m still wasting my time frivolously on the internet as I do. But even then, it never feels like I have any time to just breathe and unwind. I’m just tired all day long, and weekends just never seem to suffice. I thought I could relax during recess week, but I ended up stressing myself over building my PC. I barely wrote anything for my fanfiction, although to be fair, I’m a little disillusioned over that as well.

I keep asking myself if all this effort is worthwhile. If doing this is what I want in life. If I’m actually capable of retaining even a shred of knowledge to bring to my future career. If I’ll even get a job in my field of study given the competition. And while these questions always popped up now and then, they’ve never been more prominent in my head this semester. Compounded by the very real fear of true adulthood, it’s just making me feel terribly jaded.

I mean, when I get back test results, I feel a brief moment of emotion, be it joy or sorrow or surprise. Then it’s back to apathy, where I really don’t feel much about whether I did well or not. Sure, I study when I have to, so I can do well on tests and keep up with the class. But it all feels so pointless.

I’ll probably look back one day at this post, at this moment in time, and find it funny that past me was so full of himself, and so wrapped up in his little problems and his tiny world that he would be disillusioned by university of all things. That real life is far worse, and university was probably the easiest time of his life.

But current me just wants all of this to end before he flips out.