Taken 3

Well, it’s not using the premise of the first two Taken films. That’s a good thing. The bad thing is they managed to draw this crap out to a third film.

I kept my expectations rock bottom because Taken 2 was such a contrived mess. And I’m glad I did, because Taken 3 was only a little better. I suppose it’s not as ridiculous as Taken 2 trying to make the premise work a second time, but it’s still a little hard to believe.

I mean, c’mon, the bagels were warm. They can just pop by the shop for an alibi, since the girl at the counter seems so friendly with Bryan, as if he was a regular. And they probably have cameras there to corroborate his statement. If Lenore’s death was around that time, then he’ll be exonerated. If it’s earlier, then they’ll do the GPS tracking and phone analysis and stuff, and arrive at the same conclusion without all the fuss.

And given how conveniently cameras are placed everywhere in this movie, surely there must be one around the apartment building Bryan lives in? If that’s the case, then the footage will just solve this bullshit in an instant.

Even if Bryan is paranoid enough to go through all this bullshit, why go to the extent of killing Malankov, and bring Kim along for the ride? If you want to keep her safe, leave her in the safe house for goodness’ sake. You have four guys on your team. The one dude watching the house to check on the police? TOTALLY unnecessary. It’s not like they don’t know the police will be moving out the moment they trace Stuart’s phone. He could’ve been protecting Kim back in base instead.

And while I can appreciate reusing Stuart to be the ‘villain’ in this film, how is it that he only needs $12 million dollars from insurance to pay Malankov, but still has a friggin’ private jet and a home in Malibu? How difficult is it to just sell the fucking thing? Won’t that be better than risking your life and your family (however estranged)?

Also, what happened to the accountant? He died in the safe, but his wife didn’t call in his disappearance? The police didn’t investigate his workplace and get Stuart to open the bloody safe? There are no cameras in that building? I get that they are trying to introduce Malankov as the typical Russian evil guy, but Stuart and his company will be in a very different place if that investigation happened. And none of this nonsense about Lenore dying would’ve occurred.

Even if it occurred, why the fuck does Malankov want to antagonise Bryan? He’s the ex-husband. He’s completely out of the equation when it comes to your money. If you came up with the plan with Stuart to get the insurance money, then just kill her and dump her somewhere. Why go to the point of framing Bryan at all? How is that conducive to you getting your money? Does ‘killed by ex-husband’ guarantee more money than ‘found in an alley most likely killed by muggers’? Why listen to Stuart’s plan to frame Bryan at all? You’re the guy with the gun and all the cards here.

Unless Stuart tells you Bryan will investigate who killed Lenore and by framing him you’ll keep him out of the way. But then, if you frame him, wouldn’t he just do the same thing anyway? I mean, he’s supposed to be super scary good. Surely they didn’t expect the police to be able to handle a man like Bryan Mills?

So, yea, terrible plot in my opinion. Characters? All meh. Kim went from sudden ‘spy’ in Taken 2 to a scared teen whose pregnant. Big downgrade there. Bryan Mills is his typical self, Forest Whitaker plays a cop that didn’t need to be in the movie, everyone else might as well be a lamp for all they contributed to the plot. Lenore…well, she was the plot device I suppose.

Action? Bleh. So much shaky cam; during chases (foot and car), fights, everything. It’s a trend that’s killing my eyes. Bourne did it well, but it’s the only films that I’ve seen do shaky cam well. Every other movie with shaky cam just makes me want to hurl. It’s supposed to make subpar action sequences look better, but it only makes the director and producers look incompetent. Where’s the choreography from the good ol’ days? Is there no fight choreographer out there who can make a fight look realistic without shaky cam and a ridiculous number of cuts in the scenes? Ugh.

I don’t know why I even did this to myself.

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